No. 8 - Watching Thoughts
We often hear people talk about negative thinking and how it’s problematic. The general view is that if we think negatively we are likely to have negative feelings and behave and interact with others negatively. There is research that supports this view. Broadly there are three approaches to managing negative thinking to minimize its impacts on our emotions and behaviour. The first is to control the negative thoughts by using avoidance or escape strategies such as pushing them to the ‘back of the mind’, blocking them, using distraction or ‘squashing’ them. These strategies often provide immediate relief and at times can be helpful. However, they can also intensify the negative thoughts in the longer term. The research shows that these thought control strategies often produce a rebound effect, such that the unwanted thought returns with greater intensity at a later time. This is probably because the mind is like a thought machine, constantly producing a stream of thinking that ultimately can’t be controlled. We have no absolute control over what thoughts our minds spontaneously produce. Attempts to control what is ultimately uncontrollable often backfires. So we need to consider other options for managing unwanted thoughts.
A second approach involves identifying negative thoughts and how they are problematic with respect to being inaccurate, irrational and or unduly pessimistic, and then replacing the negative thoughts with positively oriented adaptive thinking. This approach comes from the well-established and widely used cognitive and behaviour therapy (CBT) and is call cognitive restructuring. I will discuss this approach further in a later blog on meaning making, where I will explore ways in which we can sculpture thinking so that it supports our pursuit of personal values, while at the same time respecting the fact that we are simply tinkering with representational phenomena.
A third approach involves noticing thoughts as they arise and identifying whether they are helpful or unhelpful. If unhelpful, we simply notice the unhelpful thoughts and allow them to pass without analysing them or struggling with them. This approach is called defusion and comes from acceptance and commitment therapy, a modern variant of CBT.
The latter two approaches are empirically supported as being effective for managing negative or unhelpful thinking, however, I will focus on the defusion approach because it is consistent with the mindfulness and acceptance strategies discussed in my earlier blogs.
The first step in both defusion and cognitive restructuring is listening into or noticing thinking and other mental events (e.g., mental images) as they appear in our mind in real time. This is a very important step because when we notice our thinking, we are not absorbed in it and we gain a greater perspective on it. However, the two approaches depart after this point. In cognitive restructuring, the next step is to analyse the thoughts and if unhelpful, replace them with more adaptive thinking. I will return to this approach in a later blog when I discuss meaning making. Sometimes I find it helpful to reflect on a recurring unhelpful thought and search for more helpful meaning in the subject matter, then find a new way of thinking about it and use this reframing from then-on. However, in defusion we don’t engage with the thinking, we simply notice it; yes, it is that simple!
Thoughts are made up of words which are formed by letters that are symbols. Words are representational – they themselves are not real things. So thoughts are just text in our minds. In and of themselves, thoughts cannot control behaviour because they are just symbols. Thoughts only have the capacity to influence our behaviour when we invest our attention in them, fuse with them, and take them as literal truths. In this position we see the world through the lens of our thoughts. In this state of being absorbed in our thoughts, we are more likely to behave in accord with them. In other words, it is not the unhelpful thoughts that are the problem, it is our fusion with them that is the problem. As I described in my book, it was hugely liberating when I realised that my unhelpful thoughts couldn’t exert influence if I disengaged my attention from them.
If thoughts are just symbols we don’t have to interact with them when they are unhelpful. We can simply notice them and allow them to pass naturally. I use one simple question to help me identify whether a thought is helpful or unhelpful: does this thought help me move in the direction of my personal values? If ‘yes’, I engage with the thinking. If ‘no’, I disengage my attention from the thinking, notice it and allow it to pass. This frees up energy to invest in effective action that takes me in the direction of my personal values. Redirecting attention away from unhelpful thinking and into functional behaviours is an important final step in the defusion process. It is important to engage in this process with an attitude of acceptance and self-compassion.
Defusion is an acceptance strategy NOT a control strategy. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like your unpleasant thoughts, it just means you stop struggling with them – you simply make peace with them and let them be. You can accept the thought out of pragmatism: the thought is already there whether you like it or not, and struggling with it just takes up your time and energy – acceptance frees up your energy for life-enhancing activities.
Defusion always occurs in the present moment. When you practice mindfulness you notice your thoughts but you remain "detached" from them; you simply notice them come and go. The place from where you are noticing is observer-self, which I discussed in a prior blog. Practicing mindfulness cultivates the skill of observing thinking (see prior blogs on mindfulness).
Some thoughts, memories or mental images that are tied to powerful life experiences can trigger strong emotions and physiological responses. When this occurs, we can feel overwhelmed by the thinking. In my book I described how I often get temporarily lost in memories and mental conditioning associated with traumatic events I have experienced. I explained how I often used grounding techniques (discussed in a prior blog) to enable adopting a stable position from where I could notice the mental activity.
There are numerous techniques that can help us notice our unhelpful thoughts. I will mention a few that I have found helpful.
Labelling thoughts: when I notice an unhelpful thought appear in my mind, I use the phrase “I notice I’m having the thought that [insert unhelpful thought]”. Quietly saying to myself “I notice …” helps to place me in the position of observing thinking. Sometimes a bunch of words or thoughts strung together form a recurring story theme which we can also label (e.g., “I notice the I’m not good enough story", "….. the I’m defective story", "…. the I’ve wasted my life story"). I also use this technique with memories. When I experience a recurring unpleasant memory I defuse from it by naming it (e.g., "That’s my painful shaming memory").
"Let it go": This simple technique is particularly useful for recurring thoughts, memories or images that keep popping up in an almost obsessive manner and where there is a strong urge to buy into them and hold them. As the thought appears simply say "let it go" and allow it to fade away. You may like to repeat the phrase several times. Recurring thoughts, memories or images can absorb much of our attention and energy, using the ‘let it go’ technique is simple, quick and effective.
Troubleshooting Defusion Difficulties
In clinical practice, I observed the following common problems clients reported when practicing defusion.
I don’t feel any better when I use defusion.
The aim of defusion is not feel good. The main goal of defusion is to free you from the tyranny of your mind so you can invest your attention in things that keep you moving in the direction of your personal values.
I used defusion, but it didn’t take away the distress or the troublesome thoughts.
Don’t use defusion to control or get rid of your unwanted thoughts. Defusing an unhelpful thought may lead to less distress, but this is just a beneficial by-product, not the main goal. If you feel good after defusion – enjoy it but don’t expect it and don’t start using it to control how you feel.
I keep getting hooked into unhelpful thoughts.
Getting hooked into unhelpful thoughts is common, particularly in the early stages of practicing defusion. The mind will never stop telling unhelpful or unpleasant stories – that’s just what minds do. Realistically, you are likely to get hooked by these stories again and again. However, you can more quickly learn to recognise when you have been hooked, and you can learn to more effectively unhook yourself.
I get pulled back into old unhelpful thought patterns.
Practice makes permanent. Some of your unhelpful thinking has been around for a long time and has been shaped by powerful life experiences. It is important to recognise and respect this. So you need to keep practicing defusion whenever these thoughts show up.
I feel overwhelmed with some unhelpful thoughts and feelings and I get sucked in.
With unhelpful thoughts that evoke strong painful emotions and that have a strong pull, you may need to use several techniques. For example, as described in my book, first you may need to use a grounding technique to stabilise and get centred and then use a defusion technique.
I did not know what thoughts I was having.
Noticing thoughts is something that gets easier with practice. You could notice that you were thinking that you did not know what you were thinking! You could also notice your reactions to not knowing your thoughts.
-Kenneth Pakenham PhD